What Am I Doing Here...???!!! Again...???!!!

Leaving on a jet plane, dun know what will happen again...???!!!

Friday, July 28, 2006

We decipher codes everyday. It might not have been obvious, but YES we do interpret codes and decode them every now and then. Human beings are sophisticated creatures of higher intelligence. We never communicate directly to others. Most of the time we make signs, detours and road blocks so that we leave the other party guessing, wondering what our next hint will be… Animals on the other hand prefer to tell each other face to face. Often you see when 2 dogs get close, if any one of them dislike the other, it will start to bark. Never will you see the dog coming close, pretending to be nice to the other dog and then bite it from behind. For us, `backstabbing’ is done almost everywhere and anytime. I am not into `backstabbing’ in this issue. Just that my point is we do not always say what we mean. And we tend to complicate things by not telling the truth directly. Instead we beat around the bush and `softly’ bring in the topic in a mild yet `blur’ picture. We always need to crack our brains to see thru people so as to prepare ourselves from any hidden `stuffs’…

I tried to decipher some codes. But the way I interpreted was of my `best interest’. But, is my interpretation correct??? I won’t know. Coz if I was supposed to know the truth, there won’t be a need to interpret codes… I wish the outcome to be of what I have `interpreted’. But then, am I really wishing for it??? Or is it just a follow thru of what has been done previously???

When we enter a comfort zone, most people take time to realize its presences. Many times when we are enjoying our time, we fail to appreciate those happy times. Only when we are in times of hardship and suffering, we start to complain and constantly bringing up the matter every now and then… Sometimes we fail to realize that in the midst of all the fun and laughter, we start to make bonds… Bonds so tight such that it keeps making us return to each other… That kind of bond takes time to nurture… But it’s easily broken by just one unhappy incident. Saying the wrong things at the wrong time can really make a big difference in the outcome of an incident.

不在时, 才知道有多想念…
想念中, 才发觉心情有了改变…
已经不如以前了…
压抑很久的心里话,
却无法说出来…

I got to go off soon. Flying to TW for training. Got time for me to book out and rest at home before the flight. So I thought maybe I just get this entry finished. Will be there for 3 weeks, back on the 17th August. Apparently, we will be getting VIPs so got to wayang a bit more this time. Managed to talk to LF for a while. I know you meant well. But then I really can’t do it. There’s always something to lose in taking a risk, which I am not willing to bear that consequence. =( Really hate myself… I hope LF can get more sponsorship and so she can get to Korea.

离开时, 心里有些舍不得…
会想念… 非常想念…

So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 9:39 PM

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Sheltered under the bus stop, waiting for rain to stop, on a bright sunny day... =X

Monday, July 24, 2006

Just sent the newsletter for printing. 3 days of sleepless nights and finally one load off the mind. I dun wan to care le. Very tiring u know, only got 3 days to do all the layout of 20 pages… =( My Panda eyes really got bigger le. Hope the printing comes out fine. Even if it doesn’t, I also dun care liao.

Last few days being at home. Dunnoe how’s going to be like in ROC. Dunnoe how is the clinic going to run when I am there. Already the result not very good liao. Got to try to boost the thing a bit. Wait they take away my `extra’ bonus then really sian liao. Got called up for my ortho. Just that I busy, the postgrad busy… We just can’t really find time to sit down and arrange. I think I might know who’s that postgrad, and I think she dunnoe who am I yet. Anyway, think I will see her most prob after the ROC thingy. Going to start my suffering soon… =X

After all those rushing and datelines, kind of realized I need the APPLE more than the WHEEL… How??? Should I buy the wheel first??? My PC still `can’ lah, but all those convert here convert there really going to kill the processor. Going to reformat maybe tomolo bah. See how things go. Going to do a lot of things when the com is reformatted. All the backups, rubbish, programmes… Need to buy a Anti-virus software I guess… Now the 窗口 damn GAY, must get the ORLIGINE one then can loh. Sigh… $$$$$$

Been talking a lot to LF theses days. Always keeping my stuff from her and making her talk abt hers… Well, she managed to coax me in revealing so I mentioned a bit. Then what she said was pretty much correct loh. Think I should consider. Taking that risk is really RISKY loh… (hmm, otherwise it won’t be called a risk right???)

Spend some days typing this entry. Mind was pretty blank and yet mixed. But then, all become very clear suddenly… No pain, no nothing, no bleeding...

Met up with DL today. Sort of `bluff’ her to come out to watch a show. Actually, her bdae is coming but then I won’t be there on that very day. So wanted to give her an early bdae present. Went to get her a name card holder. Good thing I shopped in the morning. Hate the afternoon crowd… She did get a big shock I think when she saw my transition lens. Even thought I went to change my specs… Haha… So the lenses do work!!! Tested and proven. I think she might have expected the bdae present coming coz my `tactics’ are very easily detectable… Then again… Pretty much enjoyed the day with her. She `described briefly’ how work was… =( Good thing that I wasn’t … ... … … … … Think DL would know how to fill in my blanks. We went to watch Basic Instinct 2.

Beautiful American author Catherine Tramell (Stone) is living in London when she is involved in a sexually charged car accident leading to the scandalous death of a famous British athlete. Raunchy and irreverent, Tramell likes to shock people with both her words and her actions. Dr. Michael Glass (David Morrissey), who is evaluating her for trial at the request of Det. Superintendent Roy Washburn (David Thewlis), is no exception. Just coming out of a divorce and facing the resurrection of an old situation that could ruin his career, Glass is slowly but surely sucked into Tramell’s web when he takes her on as a private therapy client. Day by day Glass realizes that she has infiltrated more of his personal relationships, which also leads him to question why so many people in his circle are suffering questionable fates. Each time Glass is convinced that Tramell is guilty, she diverts suspicion in another direction. Does gossip magazine writer Adam Towers (Hugh Dancy) plan to reveal a deadly decision that Glass made in his past? Is Det. Washburn really the upstanding cop he appears to be? Is Glass's ex-wife, Denise (Indira Varma) trying to sabotage his career? The twists and turns in the plot keep everyone guessing in this psychological thriller, which is directed by Michael Caton-Jones (THIS BOY'S LIFE, THE JACKAL).

The plot was not bad. Kind of leave you wondering who really the killer is. I thought I had the `obvious’ answer but the ending part twisted the whole thing around. I was like OMG!!! How they do that???

CSh just opened her Café, at Bugis there. Brought DL along to see her. Was kind of weird to go there alone so sort of made DL tag along. Her café was open to public on Saturday one, just that I couldn’t find anyone to go down with. Anyway, was pretty much drained put by the newsletter and implant lecture thingy… The café not too bad, nice décor and ambience… Didn’t talk to CSh much coz she busy attending to her friends. Was a bit full from all the sushi, ice-cream that we had b4, so ordered some calamari to just `give face’… I promise I’ll go there soon for a decent meal ok??? Coz I dun wan to go ROC without going down her café first. Otherwise I’ll have to wait 3 weeks b4 I can go down… A bit too long leh… Wait she dun friend me liao how??? =X

等了太久, 太久…
一切事物变的冷淡, 无味…
眼看, 四处一片宁静…
时间停顿, 脚步声也没有了…
空无一人, 只有遗憾的尘埃, 堆积如山…
仿佛要把所有事物给埋起来…

埋了也好… 把一切都埋在深处…
就当从来没发生过…

So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 12:34 AM

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Playing Hide and Seek...

Friday, July 14, 2006

Went to get my eyes checked. It seems that the degree of my eyes has changed. Sometimes I tend to find it hard to focus. Can’t see pretty well with theses specs… Always missing `something’ out. Got one new pair made. I have gotten the transition lens. Kind of EX thou, but beats getting another pair of sunglass. Hope this pair can help me see `things’ better…

Haven’t been going out a lot. Kind of getting tired everyday from work. Suddenly a lot of responsibilities really drains me out. When come to end of the day, is like OMG, finally can stop seeing all that emails bombing me, all the nurses asking me to approve this approve that, no more FONs to handle… All of a sudden peace and quiet. Only me and the discman on the bus on the way home. Yah… Peace and quiet… That’s the word… Miss the good old days when I can call my `boss’ in the morning, let him handle everything and assign things for me to do… Coz I dun have to think, just do. Now, I am thinking too much. Really too much.

This computer of mine is getting invaded by tonnes of spyware, virus, Trojan, whatever… Coz I took out my anti-spyware, anti-virus programs. Going to reformat the com anyway… Now I am just using it to WOW, do some of the projects that I have on hand and after that, this piece of OVERTUNED antique is going to the repair shop… So guys, if I sent u all anything and u kena virus… Sorry… I didn’t mean to. And I dun think I send a lot of mails also. So I guess shldn’t be much of a prob, unless u are one of the LUCKY ones… LOL…

Had my Commencement Day on the 6th July. Kind of a short and sweet one thou, coz the next day got work. Borrowed my aunt’s car to drive the family down so need to rush back to return. Good thing the ceremony never really drags until wat I anticipated… My camera a bit not too good that day. Should have bought one, but I just couldn’t decide which model to buy. Still drooling over that D70 that I was using at the Medical Dinner. =X

I am going to disappear for a while. Going Taiwan. Holiday??? I wished… Reservist loh… Dunnoe can tahan or not. Not very in good shape lately… Going to be there for 3 weeks… Think my hair got to be altered soon… See my mood loh… Or should I just go in and OWN the hell out of the RSM. See how he reacts when I rebut him back if he asks me go cut hair. Dunnoe what’s going to happen in that 3 weeks. 3 weeks is a long time. If I were to on my tap and let water drip, by the time I come back, my whole block will FLOOD… What I am trying to say is that things change even thou you are not there to make it change. Here I am at one part of the world, but who knows someone else in another part of the whole has invented something which could help me in some way. Sometimes when we look for answers or solutions, they might just end up somewhere else… And we dun even know their existence…

不知如何说起,
也不知该说些什么。
想说时，没机会。
机会来的时候，却不能说出来。

Dunnoe if I can get a camera before I go Taiwan. Then again, is a SAF exercise. All that security bulls@#$ is going to come in and say cannot take this cannot take that. Wait I buy camera bring there, come back with no photos… Also sianzzz… Ask me fill some forms for security clearance or something thing like that. I mean WTF??? Waste my time go find information and 2 referees??? WTH is with the 2 referees thingy…??? KNN… Where I go find??? Machiam like recommend me to sign bond like my MOH bond… ZZZzzz… I dun give a S@#$ about upgrading my security clearance loh. Dun upgrade lah, then I got less work. You upgrade, then NB I got to train more… Then promote my rank even worst. More ARROW!!! Argh…

爱你不是因为你的美而已。
我越来越爱你每个眼神触动我的心。
因为你让我看见Forever，才了解自己。
未来这些日子要好好珍惜。
爱我有些痛楚有些不公平。
如果真的爱我不是理所当然的决定。
感到你的呼吸在我耳边像微风神奇。
温柔的安抚我的不安定。
所以我~要每天研究你的笑容 ooh 多么自然。

forever love forever love 我只想用我这一辈子去爱你。
从今以后你会是所有幸福的理由。

爱情是场最美最远的旅行。
沿涂雨季泥泞偶尔阻碍我们的前进。
感到你的体温在我怀里像阳光和煦。
巧妙的融化我的不安定。
不可思议证明爱上你的理由 ooh 多么自然。

forever love forever love 我只想我用这一辈子去爱你。
从今以后你会是所有幸福的理由。

你感动的眼睛我沉默的声音。
彷彿就是最好的证明。
就让我在说一次 I love you oh (直到永远)。

forever love forever love 我只想我用这一辈子去爱你。
从今以后你会是所有幸福的理由。

So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 12:50 AM

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