Going to go through another major change in life. My `internship' is expiring, soon I would be entering the `REAL WORLD'. I am already able to countdown to the last day. Many will start to look for alternatives, preparing themselves happily to move to greater heights. But for me, I do not have that mood at all. To me, all these things are like calculating facts and figures. I need to earn so much, so i need to go in this direction. That's abt it. Many of my frens went to further their knowledge, upgrade their skills so they can become more professional in certain areas of the field. I want to, but i have to put it aside for many many personal reasons.
Sometimes... Ok, let's put it this way. EVERYTIME, we do not really have a choice in things. We make decision due to many external influences. It may seem it's our choice but it is really not. For example, you place a candybar and a bowl of oatmeal in front of a baby. The baby will choose to grab the one he/she likes most. That's the baby's choice, made with just pure deciding between the 2 items. Most of the time will be the candybar. Put a grown-up in the same situation. The grown-up will almost never make a instant decision, rather he/she will ponder on a lot of factors; how much calories does each contain, candybar is junk food, oatmeal is healthy food, etc... So when he/she makes a decision, is a choice based on elimation of the risk and accumulation of the perceived benefits. So is that decision really a choice? Or was it due to no choice? Similarly to me writing this entry now. Do you think I have a choice???
Been a long time since then... Life pretty much goes on... But apparently for me, mine kind of stopped... I am like turning circles on that same spot since that day onwards... Just like a puppy chasing his own tail. When that puppy finally realised the situation, all the rest of his frens would have gone so far ahead... And the distance he has to catch will be like never ending... But then i am still chasing that tail! Anyone willing to give me a wake up call? Then again, do i need a wake up call or do i need to just really wake up??? My mind still ponders... Keep trying to get over things, but just to realise that somethings are just not meant to be forgotten. As I try hard to forget, i remember them more. Memories kept resurfacing. Sometimes i do wish our minds are like harddisk. I can select certain `files' that i dun want and click `delete'. Then `empty recycle bin'. If things get really bad, then i can click `format'.
You never realised how busy you were, until one day u click on the blogger dashboard and find that your post is 1 mth overdue!!! ARGH!!! Just switched my job position internally, taking up more `assignments' now. Really draining the `life' out of me. Sometime I get so tired, I start to see my vision go blur halfway working through the `assignments'. The only good thing is that I don't bring, or rather, I can't bring back my `assignments'. Even so, I don't get much rest as i still got tonnes of other `work' to do. They are also piling up. Really want to let go some of them, but seems like no one else is around to take over them... Really tired... And the worst thing is, there is no extra `benefits' from any of the effort i put in.
Bonds, forces that exist to hold 2 things together... In chemistry, we learn about the stong ionic bonds and the weaker covalent bonds.. There is also the Van der Waals links which is the weakest of all. No matter how strong or weak the bonds, items are still drawn to each other. Thus such bonds are important. However, even the strongest ionic bonds can break by simple replacement on ions. Recently seen many of these `broken bonds' happening all around. Some strong 'ionic bonds' that formed over many years, some are incidental `covalent' bonds... I ponder on mine... My barely visible `Van der Waals'... True as what been taught, the strength of the `Van der Waals' are not of any significant as compared to the others. But i am glad that at least i managed to get some 'bonding', i think... They say is never about the end results, but rather the journey to the end... Well, if the `end results' didn't matter at all, why are we even begining that journey?
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