It brings to my attention that maybe I been looking at my side of the story too much. Like a GP essay, there's always 2 sides to an argument. Maybe I should look at 'the other point of view'? Am I being too forceful, inconsiderate? Put myself in the 'other shoe' and think about this issue. Maybe I always been doing the wrong things? However, it's a bit 'difficult to fit the other shoe. 'Size' difference.
Haven't been a good brother to HM. Wasn't there when she was troubled. =X Well, kind of too engrossed in my own 'troubles'. Sometimes, I feel I worry too much about others. All those absorbed negative thoughts kind of taken away a lot of my 'energy'. Many times I wonder, is there anyone that worrys for me as much as I worry for others? I really think that it's so fortunate to have someone to look for when I need 'help'. The one who help will also feel good when he/she gets appreciated. But guess I am only lucky enough to get appreciated, and not being able to feel fortunate. But sometimes, the one who helped do not want the appreciation. Maybe a little 'recognition' perhaps.
Mentioned before that I am watching a drama serial now. The more I watch, the more I feel that my life is really like the story. 人生如戏，戏如人生。 If really life is like a movie, l want to know who's the story writer and director. Coz I want to tell them how to write and direct the 'movie'. Everyone loves a perfect ending, especially when it comes to their 'own movie'. The thing is, the 'actor' can never succeed in creating that 'perfect ending' because the only thing the 'actor' can do is to play his/her part well. If the 'other actors' do not 'perform' as anticipated by the 'main lead', the ending will never be achieved.
Haven’t been sleeping well lately. Got to get up especially early now to get out for the traffic jam everyday and it just never seems to work at all. Already leaving the house at 7am, reaching at 7.45am. Work starts at 8.30am… WHY SO EARLY??? To avoid the `signboard’ lah. Nowadays even leaving at 7am is not working… Sleep earlier??? How early? Half the time on bed is spend on thinking of `stuffs’… I can lie there early at 10pm, but still will only go to sleep at around 1am. =X What was I doing??? Frankly, I also dunnoe… Not doing much lately, besides the usual seminars and conferences, most of time I am stoning at home… Online and offline… Haven’t touch my PS3 for ages… Kept falling asleep while driving home… Not doing much at work actually, but very mentally drained… Many suggest that I take leave and rest, as maybe my mind was so mentally prepared for the forecasted 1 mth leave and now I am not taking it… Even if I take leave now, most prob I be stoning at home too… So like no difference. My life kind of sad right… =(
IS and SS planned to visit me. IS msg me to ask me if it was ok… Well, I didn’t take my 1 mth leave so they dun have to visit me anymore. They got a bit shock thou, rearranged to meet another day for a meal or something… RY and SN got me something from their trip too… Guess the whole world was expecting me to take leave… Oh, haven’t email FY to say I didn’t take leave… Got some things need to discuss with her. Will do that tomolo bah… See how…
在对的时间，愚见对的人，作了对的事，
那叫做缘分。
对的时间，对的人，作了不对的事，
叫做有缘无分。
对的时间，作对的事，但是人不对，
那叫白费心机。
对的人，对的事，错的时间，
叫做造化弄人。
So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 9:58 PM
0 seconds of my life
蝴蝶效应
Thursday, July 17, 2008
其实，没写blog的这段时间，我脑海里想了许多事。 不知道为什么去想，而且，想来想去， 还是想不通。每晚，几乎睡不到几个小时。 在床上翻来翻去，就是睡不着。我成经以为所做的，都是对的。只要用心，哪怕铁棒也能磨成针。=）还记得，小时候，老师又教过。现在想起来，我看，这只能形容铁棒吧。
好多事，永远都不在我们掌控之中。尤其，是关于人的事。有些人， 你对他好，他反而会头咬你一口。 但有些，只是在那不领情。对他坏一点，就显得满脸的不满意。=X 所谓，人心难测。（我用词妥当吗？）
其实，我感觉到，好像有点精神崩溃。是在自己给自己压力吧。做事时，脑里一片空白。回到家，就会胡思乱想。心里已经很累，但外表上，要装做一幅开心的样子。有时候，我还真的觉得，我很假。
看了一部连续剧，戏里的故事就好像我所经历的。好像在看自己的人生一样。故事的结果，不是很愉快。我的故事，结局会如戏里的一样吗？所有发生的事，是命中注定，还是人为的呢？听过蝴蝶效应吗？“一只蝴蝶在这拍一拍翅膀，可以使到另一边挂起台风。” 我们现在所做的点点滴滴，会累积而影响到以后将会发生的事情。所以，我们每天所做的选择和决定，无论大或小，都是在漫漫地打造着人生的终点。每个人都有渴望的终点，都会努力向目标前进。但会有谁能保证，所做的一切小小的事情，不是令目标变得更遥远？
在电脑前发呆了很久了。可能使我的华语程度不太好吧。想一句，要想很久。问我为什么要用华语来写？=X
So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 4:20 PM
2 seconds of my life
At
7:48 PM,
said...
-
看不懂,haha....
At
11:04 PM,
Mojave said...
-
就只是我看得懂吧。其实，看不看得懂，也不是很重要。因为，我也是一样，只能看，而摸不着。。。
Turning `Ah Beng'... Am I trying to prove something???
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
1st day of work at my new workplace. Kind of slack. =) Not much to do, but they told me today’s load was a bit low. But overall the environment is not that bad. At least the computers are fast enough for me. The staffs there are nice too. =)
As promised, I got new photos of my ride.
More “Ah Beng” Lights…
Foot Well Lights
Ignition Switch
Sunshade
Sometimes you don’t know whether someone is telling things from their heart or just trying to say `politically sound’ sentences to you. It’s really making our simple life very complicated. I am a simple guy, you tell me what I just accept. I don’t really bother about whether you mean it or not. Because I know I govern my life, how it should be depends on how I want it to be. People can do all the things they want, say all they want, but is up to me to make my own decisions and actions which ultimately affect my life. Really miss those days when we just go down to the playground below our block and we can have fun with all the other kids, when we were in primary schools with our friends and we can talk about anything and everything…
Going to go for my long break soon… Whether it is enjoyable or not, I not sure. But I know the initial period will not be easy. Then the questions keep popping in my mine, is it what I wanted? Am I ready for this? What am I doing this for? It like you know it has to happen, but as the time drags longer, you start to get cold feet and trying to think of excuse not to go through it. Suddenly things become so blur, so vague… It’s like you want to search for answers, but you don’t want to know the answers…
是时候了吗？
已经到了吗？
已经喊累，喊了很久。
不知道该说些什么。
很多疑问，没答案，
又不知道到那里去找。
好累。。。
So many things, so little time... "Mojave" 10:06 PM
0 seconds of my life
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